My XWS also was drinking way too much, and after DDAY so did I. It’s not good. Mine also never went NC. We often see that the actions AFTER DDAY are what kills the marriage- it is so damaging to continue with the lies.
I agree that you need to see if there the AP has a spouse - the internet is your friend here. (We call them the OBS, other betrayed spouse). Then reach out to them in a way the AP cannot intercept and tell them what you know. This does two things. It gives the OBS their power back - they deserve to know what is going on. And often it distracts the AP as they try to save their own marriage. DO NOT TELL YOUR WS you are doing this.
Read up on the 180 and implement that. It gives your brain some space to think and relax. Focus on you. Eat healthy, drink water, avoid alcohol and drugs, get daily exercise, and sleep. If you are having trouble sleeping, see your doctor. Also get STD/STI testing done and do not have unprotected sex with him until he is also tested and SHOWS YOU the results. Cheaters lie, and they lie a lot. PROTECT YOURSELF.
Pull your financials to make sure you know what is going on with all your finances. We don’t know if you will R or D, but you need to protect your future. See a few lawyers to understand what D might mean. Knowledge is power, and fear of the unknown paralyzes us. You do NOT need to file for D today, but you need to understand what it entails.
Get in IC (individual counseling). Look for a trauma specialist if you can because this IS a BIG trauma. And you need a safe space to vent, cry, talk through your feelings, and just process all this pain. Focus on you.
I know how overwhelming this is and how you are completely exhausted and can’t see how to go forward. Just get through the next hour, and keep doing that. You are SOOO much stronger than you know. You can and will get through this. It is terribly painful, but the thousands of us here have made it through and you will too. Sending virtual (((hugs))) and support.
He still has his head up his ass- until he stops, you have nothing to work with. I am so sorry.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
