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Based on your description of how you were "diagnosed", I would call that psychiatrist and let them know you will be filing a formal complaint with the state medical board.

A diagnosis of mental disorder requires an examination of the patient primarily, and if other input is needed then interviews and other information (such as formal examinations that include scaled scores and are norm-referenced).

You also should have been given a formal evaluation of some kind. One "interview" of that short duration is insufficient for proper diagnostic information. To determine you were "hostile" to testing and making a diagnosis based on that opinion is malpractice.

Call and ask them for their malpractice insurance company information. Tell them that if this phony diagnosis is entered in your record you plan to sue. And notify them that if they file for insurance payment on it, you will tell your insurance company that he is making false claims of "assessment and evaluation" when that did not occur.

This is outrageous.

5Decades, exactly my thinking too.

But how strange a consensus, one should not feel any residual anger at betrayal?

Being licensed in the medical profession as you are, means that many qualifying personal criteria have been met and must continue to be met, isn't that correct? So I am concerned about the possibility of the negative impact of a mental health diagnosis, and as we can only go by what we read here, I'm just concerned for how this process potentially could be used against a BS. Like many of us here.

[This message edited by Superesse at 10:54 PM, Thursday, February 12th]

Based on your description of how you were "diagnosed", I would call that psychiatrist and let them know you will be filing a formal complaint with the state medical board.

A diagnosis of mental disorder requires an examination of the patient primarily, and if other input is needed then interviews and other information (such as formal examinations that include scaled scores and are norm-referenced).

You also should have been given a formal evaluation of some kind. One "interview" of that short duration is insufficient for proper diagnostic information. To determine you were "hostile" to testing and making a diagnosis based on that opinion is malpractice.

Call and ask them for their malpractice insurance company information. Tell them that if this phony diagnosis is entered in your record you plan to sue. And notify them that if they file for insurance payment on it, you will tell your insurance company that he is making false claims of "assessment and evaluation" when that did not occur.

This is outrageous.

I do agree, I made many diagnoses while I was intern in med school, I don’t recall one where the patient was ignored. Nor from my colleagues. Not a single one. Because it is called "objective examination " (translated into into English), and the object is the patient.

The usual tool that works is this " I will accept your diagnosis and therapy on the condition that you state in a written statement that your diagnosis was made without interviewing the patient, refusing to interact with the patient when expressively asked by several times, because according to your practice it’s unnecessary to interview the patient and you refused it several times because you followed the best practice of your profession "

In front of the witness, in this case my wife, a lawyer.

He said that he is not going to do that and will do nothing with the visit (because he knows he fucked up, he made a diagnosis ‘in absentia’), allegedly due to me "being hostile " towards the interview (typical evidence is when someone asks you "are you going to ask me something?"), but your response is brilliant, I will check out if it works like this in this country.

Jokes aside this was predatory, is a private practice and it was quite the expensive visit, as with me it must be in English and his English is way more broken than mine (I had to fix his sentences and translate for him words from Polish because of that). The claim "diagnosis will be confirmed at the end of the therapy " is a catch 22 which is unethical.

My examination simply did not occur.

I’m most definitely going to follow your advice. Also getting a independent evaluation asap, as I am a ceo, president of the management board of my company and if this was ever to be on record that’s devastating for my position and trust towards the shareholders and investors. I know I would see this as a serious liability if I were in their shoes with an exposure in the millions.

The gaslighting was supreme, imagine he asked my wife "and does the people in this company exist, does your husband ever meet them in person or you never seen them?" which is ridiculous since my wife is also the legal proxy of 2 shareholders and the company lawyer…

Most definitely this is fishy, I will follow through and clear my name and profile with an independent evaluation.

5Decades, exactly my thinking too.

But how strange a consensus, one should not feel any residual anger at betrayal?

Being licensed in the medical profession as you are, means that many qualifying personal criteria have been met and must continue to be met, isn't that correct? So I am concerned about the possibility of the negative impact of a mental health diagnosis, and as we can only go by what we read here, I'm just concerned for how this process potentially could be used against a BS. Like many of us here.

His fundamentals for this diagnosis are based on (and forgive me for being graphic but those are the words of my wife, as he refused to interview me)

- he is present, positive, energetic and highly functional, for me and our daughter. The only thing that worries me is that he wants to divorce me because he is angry at my past cheating and the ones that I just confessed. He can speak of this for hours and he is angry at me

- his libido is back and the sex is amazing, I am having several orgasms every time, of kinds I didn’t even know existed

Again, graphic, but this is what he formed the evaluation upon

P.S: Just to be clear, my wife clearly stated to this quack that pre 2008 betrayal my libido was high, then after it dropped next to zero, and now is back.

Is not that isn’t natural,it’s how I used to be (but I had disgust, the ick for her body under the betrayal trauma so I was turned off from having sex with her)

Isn’t a weird thing, it’s natural healthy level of a adult man

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 5:45 AM, Friday, February 13th]

This entire experience is so bizarre to me. I'm in the US. I'm wondering how much of this has to do with different cultures.

This entire experience is so bizarre to me. I'm in the US. I'm wondering how much of this has to do with different cultures.

It’s a poor conduct of this therapist.

It was setup completely differently than it was presented to us. In short we have been lied to by the therapist.

And I am certain my wife was in the blind here, because she was shocked too, did find it strange and wrong procedurally and wants to fire the therapist and look for another one

I am getting a bit of a feel for the general sentiment about our history and the specialists we met until now, also feedback of my wife, who among all paradoxically seems the one who is taking it the most seriously.

This is what I collected until now which to me is fucked up beyond belief (putting a red flag 🚩 where my wife agrees or sort of agrees)

- being sexually attracted to random people when you are in a relationship is normal 🚩
- what matters is how you manage this sexual attraction, you either try to avoid sleeping with randoms or make sure never to tell your partner of your sexual and emotional relationships outside the couple.
- if you use protection you are still a somewhat responsible partner. Meaning both condom and emotional protection so your partner doesn’t know or hurt (aka lies)
- if you are far away from each other, long distance, for periods of time, adultery is perfectly normal, perhaps even healthy for the couple
- if the thing is old and you just find out, you should let it go 🚩 🚩 🚩
- you are a guy, you should understand these impulses of polygamy
- so called "betrayal trauma " is not really a big deal, is just heartbreak it should pass quickly, just forgive and move on

I don’t think any of these conclusions is about caring for the couple, relationships or emotions of the people involved.
I think it’s betrayal apologism and it does truly make me angry.

As in I need to control myself not to kick your ass or insult you angry.

Basically the vibe from this is "everything is an open relationship, couples and marriages are purely functional. If you stray keep it secret "

Is already a few therapists now in this list. 3 to be precise.

Red flag for my wife that is reinforced and is making it more unlikely to ever heal her betrayals is this

- it happened a long time ago, now we are married and is different. We should focus on today’s daily problems not the past

Nobody seems to get this is the deal breaker for me.

I am confident enough that the above is trash and I don’t care anyway because I will stick to my moral principles and feelings. I must say that the above can make you feel insane and unreasonable if you are not grounded in your emotional clarity.

For sure the red flagged impacted my wife as it resonates with her ego, and shut her up while she was opening empathy finally.

She found a new one doing emdr and that’s what she asked: can the trauma from betrayal have impacted my partner for so many years.

This one answered "yes, is very likely ".

Considering her issues with authority until this last one what the therapists did was damaging her own healing.

And our marriage as a side effect, because i will never stand for this shit

The short answer seems to be these therapists are WS themselves. I would have wanted to ask them to their face if they had also betrayed their marriages. They have rationalized behavior that has been in many cultures punishable by death for millenia, because they're so "educated" in a hedonistic philosophy. I am sorry that is the caliber of therapists in your area.

The only one of your points that I agree with is the first. We've discussed that before. I also partially agree with the 2nd. What matters is what you do with those random attractions. If you act on them in any way, you are cheating. You have betrayed your partner. It's not ok as long as your partner doesn't find out. That's BS.

Seems to me the emdr therapy is the one to stick with. I highly recommend therapists who do emdr. I won't see a therapist who doesn't, even if I don't need it. If they are trained in emdr, they most likely understand that any betrayal is trauma and that trauma doesn't just go away. One doesn't just get over it no matter how long ago it happened. That's just ridiculous.

@coco

We will disagree on this and it is fine. I understand being capable to judge the other sex "attractive"(e.g. I can tell my cousin is an attractive girl) I do not find ok to be "sexually attracted" (e.g. If I would tell I am sexually attracted to my cousin... that's messed up).

Finding attractive is a critical judgement
Being sexually attracted is an urge, an impulse

I agree this EMDR seems more the type of therapist for us. My wife as well after the last few session thought it is weird. SHe said "It looks to me that the counselor took my side against you. I understand I was crying but this feels wrong to me"

And she is the WS, so if even she could notice that, something is off on the therapist.

@Superesse

I think one of the therapist is for sure a WW. She slipped some hints to my wife that made me think she cheated (or was cheated up and then cheated, "madhatter" I guess).

The other we do not know yet well, we met 3 times. This kind of apology of betrayal and dismissal of trauma is, to say the least, pretty harsh and difficult to explain.