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Well, against my better judgement and all the advice from this forum, I gave my WS a chance AGAIN. And AGAIN he blew it. But this time when I said I was done, he tried to kill himself and now he is in an inpatient psych facility almost two hours away (that’s where they had an open bed). I cannot do this anymore. I just can’t. He is a liar and a cheat and he will never change. I cannot believe he did this to our beautiful girls. And it was on my daughter’s birthday weekend, she turned 17. He keeps calling me from the facility saying this is it, rock bottom, and I’ll show you I’m going to change. I keep saying I cannot make you any promises to try again. I cannot do it. And I know it’s all his fault, but I feel like a monster because he was so pathetic in the hospital when I saw him. I just hate him for all of what he has done and I feel like I am not going to make it.

He made his choices and now he gets to deal with the consequences. He put himself in that hospital, you didn't. You gave him multiple chances and he threw them away and now he's hoping that you will once again feel sorry for him

And this is when you don't. If you want to throw him a bone and say you are not completely closed off to the idea of one day possibly maybe reconciling, okay, but I wouldn't extend any hope beyond that

We can only control and be responsible for our own actions. What he decides to do are his decisions, beyond your control

Of course you feel bad. You care for him and he is your children’s father. But you are right - he did this to himself and his children. He is where he needs to be getting the professional help he needs.

He can go work on himself - it will take years - and meanwhile you need to protect yourself and your kids. If he threatens self harm again you call the cops. You cannot handle that - you are not equipped.

Sending support- this is really tough.

What, exactly did he do? How serious of an attempt was it? I ask because this smacks to me as a manipulation tactic. I don't see how losing you could be SO devastating to him if he was given chances, against much better judgement, and blew it anyway.

He took about 12 Effexor which I don’t think is enough to kill but the cops found him becasue a friend had called for a welfare check.

This is tough...
Based on your last posts you seem to have totally given up on this marriage. Doing IHS and you are dating someone else (this having been a trigger in him wanting to reform...).

Friend – as tough as it might sound then IMHO stick to your guns. Talk to his doctor and make it clear that this attempted suicide is not changing your plans. That way the time he’s in a protected environment can be used advantageously to prepare him.
Seriously – Is there any danger for you or the kids seeing as it’s an HIS and he therefore will be around when all hope (for him) is lost? Once again tough: It is time for legal action to keep him away from the house so you have a safe place?
As a cop... I saw too many battered women due to their men loosing what they thought was control.

I'm unconvinced this is truly his rock bottom. I think if you give him yet another chance, he might be on good behavior for a while, maybe a couple of months, then slide right back into the same behavior again. I don't know what happened with you guys in the past, but I suspect this is just a manipulation tactic. He's not really faced any consequences for his actions and really acknowledged the true extent of the damage he's done. You already gave him at least a 2nd chance, if not more, and he threw it away.

Please listen to Bigger!!

Yikes! I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can't imagine.

Does he have any family members he's close with nearby? Is there anyone to whom you can hand him off, so to speak?

I honestly don't have any good wisdom or advice beyond hoping to lend you some strength to follow what you already know is your best path moving forward.

He's hit the "rock bottom" of the pit he dug for himself and wants your company. Perfectly okay to decline that invitation.

I also think Bigger is right about considering proactive measures to ensure yours and the childrens' safety.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 6:26 PM, Tuesday, September 30th]

Please listen to Bigger. This time he tried to kill himself; what's he's going to do the next time he hits rock bottom?

He's not just a danger to himself but a potential danger to you and your girls.

In the Divorce forum, I told you that he doesn't care about the marriage; he wants to keep control of you. Please start believing us.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 9:21 PM, Tuesday, September 30th]

I used to sing this song at camp.

Same song, different verse
A little bit louder
And a whole lot worse

It describes him to a tee. He does what he needs to do to manipulate you.

You have the ability to stop this cycle. I’m certain when it no longer works for him he will try something else. And then something else. Because he knows it works. He gets what he wants.

I’m suggesting that you stop feeling sorry for him and getting sucked into his trap.

Only YOU can put a stop to the madness. He won’t change — that’s proven. So therefore YOU need to change. And your first step is to put up some barriers to stop him from getting you to feel sorry for him.

It’s called no contact. Not for any reason. You don’t visit him. You don’t call him. You don’t do anything for him.

AMEN 1st Wife!

And by the way this way of seeing it is very freeing.

Eventually, we BSs need to do some FOO work to see why we "felt sorry for them" for so long, to begin with!
Because users will find people whom they can use. I've had this same kind of experience in my FOO and my current IHS.
Please do not only LISTEN to us, take some PROTECTIVE ACTION for you and your children. Once you get some distance from it you will see the cycle better. Right now he is working to destabilize your resolve to stop the madness as 1st Wife said. Grey Rock!