SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

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Thanks for reminding me. It’s not easy. The surgery is scheduled for the end of the year. So for now, it’s just waiting and living the best life we can until then.

We signed up for therapeutic riding. I am finally getting my (trigger alert for trauma DV and veteran family suicide survivorship) trauma from the loss of a close family member to veteran suicide when I was a young age (and more of the DV and work-related trauma) treated.

I am off of medications for physical issues and was on none for any other issues (of course with medical consent and supervision). My heart now checks out as apparently normal. The advanced Lyme disease appears to be in remission.

Coincidence?

I am 💯 NC with exwh.

The prayers, messages, encouragement and mojo being sent my way from SI ers has been much appreciated.

Even my worst day now with what we are facing is better than my best day previously living with an active unrepentant cheater.

Wishing everyone much peace and healing this holiday season.

Bumped by request

My life is going well after my D. I stick around on these boards because I genuinely virtually like many of the people. The boards saved my literal life. And I try to pay it back. As part of that I lost every once in awhile. Tell my story and people can take what they like and leave the rest.

As I sit in a heated residence with the electricity on, I reflect back with deep gratitude for this group, their messages and support. If it were not for these kindnesses I would not have found my way out of infidelity and I likely would have given in to the trauma and taken my own life.

When infidelity "wins", it’s a tragedy. The world would have lost my impact. I don’t claim to do a lot or enough. But I survived and I get up every day and ask myself what I can do to make the world a bit better? And that’s the small sliver of light that exwh would have extinguished had I not survived.

What have I done after surviving? Not much by human standards I guess. Share a meal with a young unhoused person. Give gloves and a tank of gas to a struggling neighbor? Host simple meals and gatherings? Be willing to teach people how to do things I know how to do that they don’t.

Currently I am with someone helping them while they are waiting for serious life sustaining surgery related to serving their country.

Despite EXWH’s best efforts to literally do what he said he would do ("destroy me if I left him"), I have managed with the help of others and what some call "my higher power" to stay fed, clothed, and housed. So the darkness did not win. And it’s not gonna win today.

I wish everyone on this site peace, joy, love, impact and much happiness.

Thank you, Shehawk. It's wonderful to read your journey, and I can feel peace radiating from your words, even as life continues to throw stressful situations your way.

As I progress through the divorce process, it's good to hear from people on the far, far side of it.

My valentine’s gift was a Tiffany blue heart necklace purchased while ring shopping.
We did not expect to spend this Valentine’s Day with F awaiting surprise open heart surgery, but life is not always a linear path strewn with roses.
We had gluten free cupcakes and I had a glass of wine in the room (no alcohol for F pre surgery). Monday is go day at 5 am.

That said, even my scariest worst day now is 💯 better than the lie I lived from day one with exwh.

I am grateful for so many on this site even as I now navigate this unexpected situation. I would not have chosen to live through what I did in my ex marriage, but there is a kinship between those who have survived that I carry with me.

We are planning to downsize our lives after the surgery to allow me to decrease my responsibilities/focus on healing my nervous system from the lingering effects of the prior infidelity.

The therapeutic riding has helped me see that I was still living in the hyper vigilance (aka "oh shit"💩 hang on by any means possible). I will be spending more time and resources on myself. I have a lot of ex marriage years to balance out.

I hope to be in a position to attend enough training by May to recert my ability to teach beginner fitness classes again. It will give me a goal to work towards.

I have made a decision to sell the majority of what I personally own as I continue my responsibility of cleaning out "family stuff" that has been in storage. No one in the family, myself included, wants to be the caretaker of things like a paint splashed little wooden wagon that we have no idea the history of, or a random bow tie. I don’t recommend this sort of masssive downsizing for everyone, but it’s the right choice for our small family.

F and I are appreciative of our temporary living arrangements. We are grateful for the new furniture a kind designer chose for our temporary needs out of the scratch and dent section of a fancy smancy furniture store. It was a near miracle to get multiple neutral color matching well- constructed living and dining room furniture pieces delivered for less than the price of a single one of the chairs we got. While the designer even went so far as to comment that no one at the store quite understood why the prices were so low or why no one bought these pieces (much less how we found a designer who was willing to take her time to use her skill to select pieces that coordinated so well together from the scratch and dent room). But we will accept this and many other blessings we have received with great gratitude

There is a shift that occurs when the brain has the space to dwell on peace and possibility and gratitude. It is a place beyond surviving infidelity where thriving and even near miracles can occur.
Some people refer to it as being able to see and experience the divine.

I do believe that healing in relationship is possible if both people are willing and work really really hard. But I would never have never found that place of possibilities that exists beyond simple survival had I stayed in the chaos of infidelity.

My wish for my fellow survivors is that you can experience peace, healing, and many many "glimmers" of possibility and joy.