5 years of a lie

I found out Sunday that my husband of almost 22 years was having an affair for the last five years. Each day I’ve learned more information and I honestly think I was in shock. I felt empty until today when I completely broke.

How does one process that their spouse, the person they loved with all their being, cheated for five years with someone else?

There were so many lies and manipulation. I had feelings over the years that he was doing something but he made me feel like I was crazy. There was no evidence anywhere. I just happened to see a text on his work phone Sunday from an unsaved person stating she had gotten a new phone and that was her new number.

Of course he swore he didn’t know her. I decided to text her from my phone and she confirmed she knew him. I asked him once again to be honest, tell me if he knew her. Again he denied knowing her. So I took her offer to call and tell me everything.

He gave her a fake name, fake job, fake residence, they met online playing call of duty and then it went into real life. He travels for work so she would visit him when he would be gone from home. They didn’t use protection. Thankfully they haven’t seen each other in person for at least a year and my annual was just a couple months ago and all was clear. They would call, text, sext, and FaceTime when they weren’t seeing each other in person. They would say they loved each other 🤮

How I wish he would have poured all that attention into our marriage and family.

He keeps saying it was all fake for him and a "game to see how far I can take it". I don’t even know what that means. How far was enough?! She says she ended things three months ago. He says he’s the one that finally ended it. I believe her. He’s proven he is a liar and manipulator.

We have two children 14 and 16. We are all gutted about this. This is his second affair that I know of. The first one lasted a few months when our oldest was just a baby. I forgave him and was able to piece myself back together after a long time and a lot of work. He put in a lot of work to help rebuild our marriage and prove that I could trust him (or so I thought). I don’t know how to get through it this time, not meaning to stay married to him, just to get myself and my kids through the betrayal and the feelings we each have. The first time was easier because it was only myself I had to worry about since my oldest was a baby and had no awareness of what was going on. I feel so lost and unsure. I did make him leave Sunday and he will not be returning. I don’t know what I want from this post.

For those of you that made it all the way through that, thank you.

2 comments posted: Wednesday, July 9th, 2025