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With stbx moving on so quickly to dating someone (we haven't even finished filing the paperwork), I'm wondering about his proclamations last year about not wanting to divorce and me being the person he wished to spend his life with. Were any of those feelings real? Was he just saying stuff in the moment to preserve the money and property?

I know none of this should matter given that we're divorcing, but somehow it makes me sad and angry. Maybe because I gave genuine consideration to his words back then, or because part of me still regrets the divorce and wants the future I once hoped for. His behavior keeps showing me the opposite of what's in my head - I know that future is a fantasy based on who I thought he was and not who he really is, but it's so hard to get my brain to accept the truth. I guess 30 years with someone will really mess you up.

Or maybe the problem is that I believed him when he said all that stuff last year, and now I don't know what to believe. It feels like a less intense version of that first year (ddays 1-4), with all the trickle truths and "affair fog" feelings. Does this man have any clue what love is? Are all his feelings temporary, lasting only as long as they're convenient??

I'm wondering about his proclamations last year about not wanting to divorce and me being the person he wished to spend his life with. Were any of those feelings real?

Even if they were real would it have mattered? If you felt done with the M and there was no coming back from it, it doesn't really matter what he wanted. My xWS didn't want me to leave or D made constant proclamations of becoming a better husband and he loved me blah blah blah, but I felt different towards him. I felt like too much had happened and my feelings for him were never coming back even if he were to miraculously change (which we all know he wouldn't have). I knew I didn't want the M anymore.

No one likes D. It isn't easy and it does fracture the family unit. But that doesn't mean life can't be good for you after D.

My xWS started dating right away after I left, but he also dated during the M He did not like when I started dating which I thought was hilarious. Now he is alone and I am with a partner. Life is constantly changing. Maybe your xWS can't be alone so he dates. I love being alone and started dating when I felt ready for it. We still don't live together after 5 years. My partner and I have a long distance relationship he drives trucks for a living so I mostly see him on the weekends, but it works out for me because I do like my alone time.

Or maybe the problem is that I believed him when he said all that stuff last year, and now I don't know what to believe. It feels like a less intense version of that first year (ddays 1-4), with all the trickle truths and "affair fog" feelings. Does this man have any clue what love is? Are all his feelings temporary, lasting only as long as they're convenient??

Again even if you believed him does it really matter if you did not want to be married to him anymore? He probably did mean it in the moment who knows how long it would last over time. My xWS said a lot of things and usually would always slip back into his old patterns.