SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DD1 2006ish, I think, LastDD: July, 2025 (right after "celebrating" 25 years of marriage ). I filed for divorce right after I found out and we can sign papers Nov 17th. Joined online dating site just to help with my self esteem and 1 of my matches and I have just clicked… I mean… he makes me forget about my ex but I KNOW that’s not the point. But I LOVE my time with new man. We haven’t been dating officially yet but plan to meet next week. It’s too soon for dating, right??!!?!? I really want to hear, "No… you’ve been through the wringer and you deserve some fun (and see where it goes)". This is going to be a rebound, isn’t it

My sense is that the online dating world is a very harsh place.

Temper your expectations.

Be very, very careful.

But if he’s a unicorn, have fun.

Have fun.

That's it. Don't over think shit. Just be. Maybe new guy will be awesome, horrible, or somewhere in between. Not important right now. Just enjoy life. Have fun.

I filed for divorce right after I found out and we can sign papers Nov 17th. Joined online dating site just to help with my self esteem and 1 of my matches and I have just clicked… I mean… he makes me forget about my ex but I KNOW that’s not the point. But I LOVE my time with new man. We haven’t been dating officially yet but plan to meet next week. It’s too soon for dating, right??!!?!? I really want to hear, "No… you’ve been through the wringer and you deserve some fun (and see where it goes)". This is going to be a rebound, isn’t it

That depends on two things. How damaged are you? Did you spend the last 19 years disconnecting from your stbx or was July's DDay a surprise? Because jumping from being happily or even semi-happily married to single and truly ready to mingle isn't something most people in a handful of months. Good chance you are hauling around a bit of baggage that needs to be sorted and dealt with before jumping into another relationship.
The other is why would a healthy single guy be interested in someone whose divorce hasn't even been finalized. I learned early into my divorce that many with divorce in the recent future and past are a hot mess. That was including myself.
That's not to say that this couldn't work out, but you need to temper your expectations. Sounds like you haven't even met yet. You don't really know this man yet. He doesn't really know you. At early stages with text and messaging, it's easy to cast the new person as more than they are. For them to pretend to be more than they are. He may really be the prefect unicorn match for you and vice versa but the odds are against it. Having fun is fine, but protect your already dinged heart by slowing the feeling that he is perfect.

Firstly, everyone is different but you will find a common thread amongst us of too soon…

I felt I had effectively detached from my ex. Fairly soon after the divorce was final, I started dating my old HS BF. Huge mistake. I felt comfortable and safe with him. We dated for just about 3 years.

I then completely took a long break to honestly heal and date myself.

Even before I was divorced I read that it usually takes 1 month for every YEAR of a relationship to heal. I was with/married to my ex for almost 28 years. I thought no way in hell would I be single that long. When I finally started dating again I remembered that theory and did the math. 26 months.

So I made the assumption I was ready the first time-turned out I was not-by a long shot.

Some will also say the first breakup can be worse than the divorce. I feel that was the case for me.

YMMV.

Be gentle with yourself.