whatbecomes (original poster new member #85703) posted at 4:07 PM on Thursday, May 1st, 2025
Hello everyone, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve been here. I’m four months out from Dday and my WW and I have been working on ourselves and attempting to lay the groundwork for attempting reconciliation.
For the most part, I do alright. Thoughts/memories of the affair still suck, but they don’t hit with the intensity they once did. However, today I have found myself unexpectedly hit with sadness. Like serious sadness.
The timing is terrible as I have things at my job I simply cannot put off and it’s going to be a long couple days to close out the week.
How do you handle the worst days when sulking simply isn’t an option? I don’t necessarily want to completely ignore the feelings. I just can’t do it right now
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 9:42 PM on Thursday, May 1st, 2025
I found out about my husband’s affair at a time when some of life’s circumstances were so demanding that I didn’t have the luxury of honoring and sitting with my feelings. (We were caring for a close relative who was dying, moving an elderly family member in with us, and keeping jobs and kids afloat at the height of Covid). On days like you describe, I did my best to shut it all out and do what needed to be done, and I managed it partly by promising myself one time per day to let my feelings take over: when I went to take a shower at night. I spent an extra long amount of time in the bathroom either quietly sobbing or just laying at the floor and staring at the wall in overwhelming sadness/despair/rage. Then I’d take my shower, pull myself together, and go back out to face the world and my kids and my responsibilities.
I don’t necessarily recommend this strategy if you can avoid it at all, and the complex trauma of that time period extended my healing arc, but if you have to function semi-normally, it’s one way to do it.
I’m very sorry. Infidelity recovery is brutally hard.
Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 9:49 PM on Thursday, May 1st, 2025
For me, I was lucky enough to be working from home and had a flexible work schedule. Sometimes, I'd sit at my computer and be working with tears flowing. My concentration was shot, too. I would often take a 10 minute break to pull myself together. I worked longer hours to make sure my work got completed.
Later, I started learning meditation. (New employee benefit of Headspace provided by my employer.) I found that the meditation exercises helped me to refocus myself and would be able to concentrate...plus, it helped my when my thoughts would spiral out of control.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
