SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Does she have access to your browsing history? I'm curious if maybe she discovered your use of this site and is reading the thread, which would have given her knowledge of the cameras. I'm just having a hard time believing that nothing sexual/physical happened or is happening between the two of them if they're so comfortable joking about sexual topics right in front of you. It would be weird for him not to ask if everything was okay if the jokes were acceptable for so long and all of a sudden she asked him to stop. Makes me suspect the conversation about it was had outside of earshot.

I've taken every measure to ensure that she doesn't know about this site, and that she didn't know about the camera, and that he had no idea about the conversation. For 1, we each have our own login to the same PC. She never ever uses that computer, she uses her phone for everything. But just in case, i have been deleting browsing history and then re-opening a couple of sites so that it does not look like i deleted anything. 2) the camera was purchased right before he showed up, and was only discussed right before he showed up. Leaving a small window for her to find out. 3) she knows about the outside cameras but i have never told her that it picks up audio. 4) our conversation was had at 7am before i went to work, outside on the back porch, while he was on the other end of the house asleep. He goes to bed at 3am and gets up at 10am, so there was no chance he was awake at that time and then stood at the backdoor while we talked. Also, 1 of the conversations was had while he was outside having a smoke and playing with the dogs. I could see him from my couch and it's impossible to hear inside conversations from outside. Especially from where he was smoking.

This visit, the only sexual joke/topic made was after playing a "would you rather" game and reading the questions from a site. Question was "would you rather have no teeth, or have 2 large buck teeth." His answer was "a woman could give an amazing BJ if she had no teeth." Normally i would find this funny. Laugh and move on. But given the circumstance, and previous sexual comments i did not find it funny. And she was quick to tell him not to talk like that. So it wasn't an egregious comment, but as i told her "it's not a joke i would make in front of another female ever. Cousin or not."

Okay, remember, we only know what you tell us. That said: I think the cousin in a NPC here. He probably enjoys the attention a little with no intention of moving on it. Probably has told himself that he would never even as he is quite aware of her interest. He’s carried a sexual innuendo too far but, my mouth also runeth over. Sometimes to the point where someone has to back me down, which is embarrassing. I’ve more than once had to beg forgiveness. I don’t mean anything by it, just when people are laughing, I don’t know when to quit. Perhaps he’s similar.

Some other dude lurking is irrelevant if your wife is loyal and respects you. That’s where your problem lies. I think she’s more aware of your surveillance than you believe. I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in the results of your video if they were aware of being watched. Your wife may have been on her best behavior due to that awareness; she certainly spoke to him about it if their behavior was markedly different. He would have picked up where he left off unless she said something to him. You have spoken to her about your concerns before, right? She communicates with him often by text, correct? He knows what she knows about your irritation.

So, my questions to you are: Does your wife respect you? Is she genuinely loyal? Or is she changing her behavior, within your view, only to placate you? In your place, I’d hope that my wife would come around to the understanding that she’s hurting me, giving me doubts and WANT to correct that, make me feel genuinely secure, etc. It’s one thing to screw up a little and come back. It’s another to do it and claim that you’ve done nothing wrong, gaslight your partner and continue the behavior. That’s how you have described your wife in the past. Has she really turned a corner here? Does she know that you are thinking about the possible end of your marriage over this? ARE you thinking about that? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

[This message edited by Onceasailor at 5:42 PM, Friday, August 14th]