SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It would be cute getting gifts, cards and flowers if he wasn’t a cheat. He always put in lots of effort at birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Hes romantic. It is one of the things I liked. I won’t do anniversary or valentines any more. I am unsure what there is to celebrate to be honest. He has followed my lead since dd.

Last year I said I think he should do what he wants. Rather than just take my lead. I think his actions around cheating were pathetic. His inability to feel uncomfortable is pathetic. His lack of apparent values, beliefs and morals is pathetic. He is like a sheep following a crowd and with hindsight I think he’s always been a bit like this. Sneaky too. He’d rather hide it than confront. So I said why don’t you do just the right thing by you rather than follow. Be true to yourself. So this year meant gifts. I opened my card alone and have put it on the sideboard. So it’s on display but not pride of place. Did it mean anything - nope. Not to me. Can I remember the picture or the words. - nope I just glanced at it. I thought the words were hilarious and feeble for a man who has known me for over 15 years. Thought it was ridiculous he cheated yet wants to be with me. And professes to love me.

I thought how dumb to throw what we had away. How he could have had so very much more.

I’m at first glance a rule follower. Maybe boringly so. But I’m rebellious. I Stand up for certain things even if it means people hate me. I am okay being disliked. I will speak my mind if needed. I have hills I will die on. And not ones that the crowd follow.

He talked to his therapist (while being a cheaty toad) about him never being able to change my mind. Well he has about him 😂. I’ve totally changed my mind. He’s helped me change my mind. He got to be the influence he wanted to be on me.

But I have realised that I really like the fact I have things I care passionately about. I’m glad I don’t flip flop and change my views with the wind or what’s trendy or what my friends like. So I am really glad they discussed me with such contempt and then he told me about it - his therapist never met me or spoke to me- but yep I damn well believe in things and stick by my word!

That was my take from Valentine’s Day.

Your feelings, your boundaries girl.

I like you are enforcing them.

If I can make you smile, with a bit of dark humor, I didn’t get a card or a gift, I got dday #3

Is good to laugh at the absurdity of it all!

Happy valentine day to you because you learned to love yourself!

What’s the point of this one holiday if it doesn’t happen all year long?

I don’t need a card and flowers to show love. But I need to see it in other ways.

Fortunately for me I do.

What’s the point of this one holiday if it doesn’t happen all year long?

I don’t need a card and flowers to show love. But I need to see it in other ways.

Fortunately for me I do.

Mostly for those people who are longing to each other but too shy to make a move, it's an excuse to show interest.
It can be cute in a way.
For others can be a reminder of what matters, when they lost their sight, or even when they lost their way.

Then of course it got commercialized.

For you, who are already whole, what matters is reminded every day through what you see and feel.
And that is how it should be.

I would always celebrate Valentine’s Day. I would draw something for him or buy something meaningful. The valentines before DD I bought him something related to an event and our children. It had meaning (or so I thought) to us both.

I have never been a flowers and chocolate type. A framed picture or a hand made card. Flowers from the garden. A hand painted rock. I am really low maintenance 😂.

Backfromthestorm - that’s awful - how are you today?

Backfromthestorm - that’s awful - how are you today?

Pretty good, thanks.

I felt deep pain for a few hours when I found it out, grieved it, absorbed the emotions, integrated them, and filed in the old garbage bin of the past where this stuff belong.

I am having a laugh about it today, sardonic, bitter laugh, but a laugh nevertheless.
I already went through the abyss with her 2008 betrayal, took 17 years to heal from that devastation. This stuff cannot harm me anymore, I already seen the bottom of the pit, does not scare anymore, falling in it again hurts, but I already know the way out, so I climb to the sun pretty quickly nowadays.

It will always touch you, it will always hurt, but no permanent harm or trauma, it heals and fades fast.

The only sad thing it is that this discovery tainted the only pure memories I still kept, the earliest days of our relationship, when we just got together. Reframes everything in a different perspective.

Beside the momentary pain is kind of funny once you have awareness.

I am good no worries, she feels way worse than I ever could, it's her rollercoaster now, I already done my rides.